Supporting Boys in Care: training for carers, schools and youth justiceBoys in care need to be seen too.

Story. Dylan, 15, kicks a hole in a door at his children’s home at 11pm, after the phone call his dad promised doesn’t happen. Staff call the police. By the end of the month he has been arrested, excluded from school for five days and moved to a home 40 miles away.

Theory. The 2018 national protocol on reducing unnecessary criminalisation of looked-after children and care leavers says the police should be a last resort for incidents a reasonable parent would manage at home. Behaviour is communication: the door is about the phone call, not the door.

Action. Separating Reason from Behaviour. Staff trace Dylan’s month, mark each point where a different response was possible, then hold their own last three incidents up against the same questions.

By the end of this part people can describe the chain from incident to police call to move, and name at least two points in their own service where it could be broken.

You leave with Questions to test how the incident to police to move pattern shows up in your service

Story. Josh, 12, is asked by his foster carer whether he misses his mum. He says “I don’t care”, goes to his room and smashes his games controller.

Theory. Bowlby’s attachment theory (1969) explains why a boy who has lost the people closest to him may protect himself by showing nothing, or showing anger. Dan Siegel’s window of tolerance (1999) explains why a small question can tip him out of the zone where he can think. We also look at how ideas about being a man, picked up from family, friends and online, can make sadness feel unsafe to show.

Action. Window of Tolerance, and Spot, Soothe, Shift. Staff map the early signs for an anonymised boy they support, then practise spotting the shift, soothing first and shifting the conversation once he’s calmer.

By the end of this part people can explain in plain words why anger can feel safer than sadness, and map one boy’s early signs and what helps him come back.

You leave with A window of tolerance map for one boy, and the feeling to respond to underneath the behaviour

Story. Dylan’s keyworker starts driving him to football training. Looking at the road, not at her, Dylan says more in 20 minutes than in six months of sit-down keywork sessions.

Theory. Dan Hughes’s PACE (playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy) gives adults a way to stay alongside a boy without lecturing or giving up. Restorative approaches, which the 2018 protocol expects to come first, let a boy put things right and stay, rather than be punished and moved.

Action. PACE and a restorative conversation. In threes, staff practise opening a conversation during an activity, such as driving, cooking or gaming, then plan the restorative conversation after Dylan’s door, using four questions: what happened, who was affected, how do you feel now, what do we do to put it right.

By the end of this part people can start a side-by-side conversation using PACE, and plan a restorative conversation after a real incident.

You leave with Conversation starters for alongside an activity, and a restorative conversation plan

Story. Josh’s carer, his head of year and his youth worker each have a different rule for when he walks out. He learns fast that the adults don’t talk to each other, and which one to push.

Theory. Haim Omer’s Non-Violent Resistance (2004) rests on adult presence: a network of adults who stay, don’t escalate, and act together so a child knows they won’t give up on him. That shared presence is what makes the other tools hold.

Action. A team plan. Carers, school and youth justice staff working with the same boys agree one shared response to the moments that go wrong, who does what, and how they’ll know it’s working.

By the end of this part people can agree a shared response with the other adults around a boy and write named actions with a review date.

You leave with A team action plan with named actions and a review date